The torments of our existence are the struggles we have with time. These three states of occurrence past, present and future. It seems to me that in the past we filter memories joining and strengthening often distorting them into emotional stamps. The essences of our life. Like the numbers in a dot to dot colouring book we draw references into strands that form a picture in the present.
With this picture in the present we continue to draw constructing what we want to see, feel, believe and do in the future. In this process we (or perhaps just me) pass the present by. The one and only of the three states we can actually control bizarrely seems insignificant in the literary text of our former and future.
So on this notion I turn and stop to notice now. Planning to change myself I am in fact back in the loop my life began. In trying to ‘be’ here and ‘now’ it feels mostly impossible to unchain ones self from what’s come before and what is desired moving forward once more.
It is with out doubt idiotic to live in a situation where you continually analyse and question in relevance to the future. By doing this you are in fact sacrificing living; tarnishing the quality of what will become your past into a unsatisfying mediocre existence that will ultimately only result in pain, frustration and paragraphs like this!
It must be possible to re-discover the inner simplicities and beauty of ‘self’ or ‘being’ as we are on entry to the world. I crave the relaxation of being myself un-vetted. Without the social constructs and desire for acceptance that have chipped away at the core of who I really am.
Once more the answer is clear: be unaffected by how people see or perceive you. Live every moment like its your first and last. Love and be loved!